In Ireland the stigma of addiction often brings feelings of embarrassment, shame, guilt, anger, and hopelessness in an already highly stressed family unit. Because of this stigma, and in order to survive the chaos, families often adapt a ‘Don’t Talk, Trust, or Feel’ stance. Families may deny the real issue by calling a hangover the flu or excuse a drinking/ drug binge saying it is due to stress. Children will have trust issues due to repeatedly broken promises or be hyper vigilant waiting for the next crisis to occur. Because of this closed family system feelings get turned off, denied or buried because it becomes too painful or dangerous to talk about them. What is the person with the addiction problem doing in all this? They are also dealing with feelings of embarrassment, shame, guilt, anger, and hopelessness and coping the only way they know; by drinking, taking drugs, [...]

“What is your understanding of addiction?” This is a question I often ask family members who have a loved one with an addiction problem. The answer I get back can vary but the essence of the response usually goes as follows: “An alcoholic is usually homeless and hides the bottle of drink in a brown paper bag” “An alcoholic drinks every day” “A drug addict is someone who injects heroin” When we have a family member who has an issue with alcohol, drugs, gambling etc. life can often be chaotic and uncertain. We’re often unsure of what is actually going on with the person but something doesn’t feel right, or it might be very clear to us due to our own family history. For someone who is addicted, their need of a drink, drug or bet is a matter of survival and the resulting behaviours are often unpredictable. So, [...]