Tell me about the suicidal thoughts.
I had been having suicidal thoughts for a long time, for a good few months. I was in pain, not a physical pain that most people can relate to. It was an emotional pain that I thought would never end. I just wanted it to STOP. It started with flashing thoughts of wanting to die. I didn’t think beyond that, I didn’t think about who would find me or how they would be afterwards, I couldn’t. That’s the thing when you are feeling suicidal, you aren’t thinking with a clear, rational mind. Every thought is muddled up on repeat in your head.
I didn’t even have a plan of how I was going to take my life, it was just thoughts at this stage. If I had talked to someone it might not have led to the suicide attempt. But I didn’t, which led to me taking an overdose but thankfully I survived.
Afterwards I remember feeling numb for a really long time, like it happened to someone else. It was really strange, like I was going around in a daze.